Wednesday, May 27, 2009

I could never be a therapist.

Though that was my major and my intention in college, I am realizing now that would have been a terrible career path for many reasons. Primarily, because I'd fucking slap people.

Don't get me wrong; I have empathy. I do! But after watching Obsessed the other night, that just confirmed in my mind that I am right where I need to be, career-wise. For some reason, the more people cry and say "I can't" and do silly shit like wearing the bloodied clothing their dead father was wearing the night he died in a car accident - the more empathy flies out the window and I want to slap them.

I bet my therapist wants to slap me sometimes. Hell, I want to slap me. I sit there in the recliner (nope, not on a couch) once a month, and I say the same things over and over again. She gives me gentle reminders that I should be going over my 12-step work and reminds me of all of the tools I have to keep me from eating more than I need to. I go to a group once a month in her office and we all sit and talk about problems, solutions, situations where we've succeeded, situations we haven't handled well. Yet I don't see any major outward progress with myself or anyone else. Sometimes I wonder what would happen at the end of a year if I took all those co- pays and group fees and socked them away and didn't go. Would I be the same weight, just $720 richer? Or would I go off the deep end and gain 40lbs? See? Don't you wanna just slap me?

I found a book that sort of encapsulates a good bit of what I have been learning in therapy into big ol' handy, 293 page cheat sheet. It comes from an unlikely author. Not a psychiatrist or psychologist; not even a doctor. Not one single pretentious letter follows his name. However, this book, in reiterating everything I am learning in therapy in a down-to-earth and motivational format, is re-opening my eyes and telling me again: You can actually do this. It's not rocket science. You don't have to obsess over food or think about it all the time. You don't need to belong to a gym or own thousands of dollars worth of fancy equipment.

The book is The Body Fat Solution by Tom Venuto, a bodybuilder, trainer, proponent of natural nutrition, and blogger.

I'll be sharing some tidbits from the book that are making me nod my head, get out my highlighter and run to the copier to immortalize certain passages.

And I'll sit there on Monday and tell my therapist about it and she'll think to herself, while probably wanting to slap me, "Yes, yes. It's the same stuff I've been trying to get through your thick skull for the past year and a half." (all the while smiling enigmatically at me)

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