Thursday, January 22, 2009

Thursday's thoughts and fears

Well, here it is Thursday again; the day I've chosen to vomit out all of the thoughts, musings and fears that clutter my crispy brain, so that there's room once again for more important stuff, like knowing which key fits my house or how to launder my pretty panties without ruining them. 

Something struck me today as I was plundering my way through my 3 mile run. The best way I can describe it was a sense of trepidation. For what? I'm not sure. Possibly because I have a recovery day tomorrow during which I don't run. Maybe I'm afraid I'll find an excuse on Saturday not to pick it back up. In fact, I'm almost positive that's what I'm afraid of.  See, I've done this before.  Started Couch to 5K numerous times and quit.  It finally stuck last January, and I graduated the program last spring - which, don't get me wrong, is quite an accomplishment - but then I sort of just petered out from there.  It was like, "Ok, I did this. Now what?"  Without a plan, I was lost. 

I'm kind of wary that I'm setting myself up in a similar fashion by sticking this Komen 5K carrot out there on a stick in front of me.  First, make it a HoHo instead of a carrot. I'll run faster. Second, am I going to just look around, lost, after the 5K dust settles? I enjoy what running does for me.  I have been an athlete all my life and have never found anything that can condition me like running.  My legs felt strong.  I could see the muscle definition I used to have, returning.  My jeans and work pants were loose.  I had so much endurance.  At everything.  My waist thinned out.  My resting heart rate was 56.  But do I enjoy the actual running part? I don't know. Right now, while it's still painful?  No.  I seem to remember back in the latter stages of C25K when I was just running for 30-40 minutes at a time that I had sort of a love/boredom/hate relationship with it. 

I don't know what to do about that.  Maybe I'm overthinking it. Maybe a summer break from running isn't that bad, with all the other activities that go on in the summer.  However, it seems to turn into a break until I-gotta-do-it-it's-January-oh-shit-Ha!-signed-up-for-a-race-now-gotta-do-it thing.  A friend of mine who graduated C25K around the same time I did continued to run daily and is way ahead of me as far as being in condition for a race.  I sort of wish I'd have stuck to it like Karen did.  

I don't know what my goal is going to be after May, but it's clear that I'm going to have to have one.  Going to have to think about that one. 

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