Monday Recipe - Valentine's Day Edition

Guys... these will get you laid. Hear me? Laid. Ladies, let's face it. We can get laid whenever we want, so you would make these for your sweetie out of the goodness of your own heart, or perhaps to distract from a minor incident with some hot peep-toe pumps and a certain credit card. Even if you don't get laid, you won't notice - if you have these on hand. Promise.

Chocolate Covered Crackberries!
2 lb fresh strawberries, washed and dried (stems and leafy part left on any that are too small to fill)

4 oz cream cheese, softened

1/2 tsp vanilla extract

1 cup powdered sugar

1 package chocolate chips of your preference (semi-sweet, milk, or dark)

1/4 pint heavy cream

piping bag or baggie made into piping bag

First - wash and dry the strawberries. They need to be good and dry for the chocolate to stick.

Hull the strawberries with the tip of a veggie peeler. Try to only dig out the stem, then rotate the peeler once inside to make room for the cracklike filling. Those berries that are too small.. leave the stems on. We'll dip those suckers in chocolate too!

With a mixer, combine cream cheese, vanilla and powdered sugar. Mix until smooth.

Don't trip over the dog. That's part of her evil plan.

Spoon cream cheese mixture into a piping bag (or make your own piping bag out of a plastic baggie with a small corner cut out). Refrigerate for 10-30 minutes for best results.

Pipe cream cheese mixture into strawberries; try to keep filling inside strawberry and not spilling out of top. I swipe the top of each one with my finger to make the filling flush with the opening. Gives me an excuse to lick my finger.

Refrigerate filled strawberries for at least 30 minutes. This will help filling set up and make the chocolate dipping process neater. You could serve the strawberries just like this, by the way, and still probably get laid. But why do it half-assed?

Make a double boiler to melt chocolate by placing a small pot into a pan of hot water. Once it reaches the boiling point, turn heat to low-medium. It's important to use a small pot because you want that melted chocolate to form a deep pool of chocolatey goodness for strawberry dipping. Pour 1/4 pint of heavy cream in first, then the whole package of chocolate chips.

Stir constantly. I promise, it gets better.

See?

Stir until smooth and chocolate coats the spatula.

For unfilled strawberries with stems on (the ones too little to make the crackberry team), grab berry by stem and dip it into chocolate, making a swirling motion to cover it almost up to the stem.

For the filled crackberries, hold berry upside down by the pointy end and dip/swirl. This is where it helps to have nails.

Place on rack to set chocolate.

You're as good as laid. Smoke 'em if ya got 'em.